Emotional Intelligence for the Unemotional

Emotional Intelligence for the Unemotional


Feeling like you’re not handling your emotions
or the emotions of others very well? I’ll show you how to increase your emotional intelligence
in just three quick steps. Let’s get going. For smart communication, career and social
skills tips. Subscribe to my channel and hit that bell to be notified when I post a video
every Tuesday. Ever let your emotions get the best of you?
Ever said something you regret afterwards? Maybe you need to increase your emotional
intelligence. I’ll give you three practical ways that you can manage your emotions and
the emotions of others in this short video. I’ve been training others in communication
skills in the corporate world over the past 20 years. Now I’m bringing my techniques direct
to you. Stick with me to the end because I’ve got a tool I want to give you that will take
your emotional intelligence skills to the next level and it’s free. Now let’s get to
it. Before we go anywhere we’ve got to define
emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is simply our ability to understand and be
aware of our emotions and to use that data, that information to guide our decisions. It’s
also our ability to do that same thing in other people, to understand their emotions
and take that data, that information and use it to help them manage their emotions as well.
Now within emotional intelligence, there are four separate skills or four competencies.
There are two personal competencies and two social competencies. The personal competencies
are self-awareness and self-management and the social competencies are social awareness
and relationship management. We’re going to just deal with our self-awareness right here
in this video. I want to give you three ways that you can become more aware of your own
emotions and what those emotions are telling you.
Okay. This first one is really important because it’s sort of foundational. I call it building
a vocabulary of emotion. We live in a time where we’ve been sort of duped into thinking
that we’re supposed to, sort of the the great life or the effective life is one that thinks
like the very computers, the very machines we work with. Sort of devoid of emotion. And
that’s just not true. That’s not life. So what we need to do is take a look at can we
define what emotional states we’re in. As a matter of fact, I want to give you that
as a pop quiz right now. How many emotions could you list on a piece of paper? Matter
of fact, let’s do that right now. I’ll wait. List as many emotions as you can.
Okay, how many did you get? Three or four or five. That’s pretty common. More than five.
You’re pretty emotionally aware, but not many of us are there. We have a tendency to just
think about the majors, happiness, sadness, depression, anger, fear, all of those. But
there are hundreds if not thousands of different emotional states. For example, if you don’t
have a large vocabulary of emotion, you’re going to list everything the same way. We
tend to think we’re depressed all the time. There’s maybe you’re not depressed, maybe
you’re discouraged, maybe your confused or maybe you’re just tired. If we don’t have
a vocabulary of emotion, we can’t label it and explore it. So what I want you to do is
increase your vocabulary of emotion. You can do this simple thing. Go to Google and Google
list of emotions and you’ll get dozens of pages that have families of emotions, emotions
that come under one particular heading, like I just listed like depression.
Begin to become aware of the different feelings you have, the different emotional states you
have. As you build a vocabulary of emotion, you’ll be able to explore those emotions and
therefore control those emotions when you see them rise up in yourself and when you
see them rise up in others. So how did you score on our quiz? Let me know how many emotions
you listed in the comment box below. Okay, this next technique, gets a little squishy.
Ever say to yourself, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. We all have that tendency, and by
admitting that to ourselves, we short circuit the emotional process. This next technique
I call deeper in, and what I want to recommend you do is that you allow yourself to feel
the emotion. Sit with the discomfort for a while. That’s what I meant by it gets a little
squishy. Sit with the discomfort. Feel it. Observe what it’s doing in your body. Observe
what it’s doing to your mental state. With those observations comes a depth of understanding
of what that emotion is trying to tell you. So what we have to do is journey all the way
through the emotion so that we understand what the emotion is trying to tell us. All
right? We’ve got to stifle that inner critic that says, I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
Sit with the emotion. Go deeper in and observe what that emotion is making you think and
feel. Now, this last one I’d call simply triggers.
Triggers are simply stimuli that produce consistent emotion. People, places, even things can be
stimuli that produces an emotion in you. Fill in this blank for me. When I blank, I always
react blank. Those will tell you what your triggers are, so you need to sit down and
come up with three or four of these sentences that you fill out. When I blank, I always
react blank. What’s happening here is it’s muscle memory at work. It’s a trigger that
sets off an emotion in you. You’ve been programmed by your emotions. So what we need to do is
replace that programming. So we need to find different emotions that are more suitable.
For example, when someone cuts you off in your car, you always go ballistic and get
angry. That can’t be very healthy. So you’ve got to replace that emotion, anger, with something
else. We want to rid ourselves of this muscle memory. So we’ve got to change the sequence.
So when I blank, I always react and fill in the one that you always want to react with.
Now this is where some feedback can help. If you can’t come up with three or four triggers,
ask those closest to you. Friends, family, even coworkers can tell you what those triggers
are. You might not even be aware of some of them. You will be surprised at some of the
feedback you get. Now, this one’s going to take some work. It doesn’t happen overnight.
So just be aware of your triggers and change the sequence of the emotional response. That’s
triggers. So that’s three practical ways you can increase
your emotional intelligence. Now as I mentioned at the beginning of the video, I’ve got a
free resource that I want to make available to you. It’s a report. It’s about 10 pages
long entitled 10 Ways You Can Boost Your Emotional Intelligence Now. All right, the link for
that is in the show notes below this video, so feel free to download that. Also, if you
want to join our growing community of Whole Workers who love to develop their communication
and social emotional skills, then join us on our Facebook page. A lot of conversation
is taking place there. The link for that page is in the show notes down below as well.
Also, if you want to take your EQ skills to the next level, I’ve got a complete online
course. The link to that course description is in the notes below as well. If you like
this video, please let me know by liking it, subscribe and don’t forget to hit that bell
so that you get notified every time I post a new video. And please feel free to share
this channel with your friends, and comment with the word helpful if you found it helpful.
I’m Paul Peixoto with WholeWorker. Thanks for watching.