If you were anywhere,
uh, on the East Coast during Thanksgiving, you would
know that it got so damn cold. Like, it was freezing.
It was so cold that your turkey refused
to come out of the oven. You’re like, “It’s time.”
Turkey was like, “Ten more minutes, ten
more minutes, ten more minutes.” And because of that, some
of you might have been thinking, “Whatever happened
to global warming?” Well, on Friday,
the U.S. government told us. A new government report says
manmade climate change is already wreaking havoc
on the U.S. 13 federal agencies warn of more
destructive western wildfires, longer heat waves
in the southeast and more powerful
Atlantic hurricanes. It says climate change could
shrink the U.S. economy by hundreds of billions
of dollars by the end of the century. I love how America always thinks about everything
in economic terms. Like, even when they talk
about the end of the world, they say, “Climate change
is gonna kill everybody, and that’s gonna cost us, like,
a billion dollars.” (laughter) But this is big news.
13 agencies, all part of the Trump
administration, have released an official report
saying that manmade climate change
is not only real, but its effects are already
here. Yeah, already here. It’s like in the movies
when someone screams, “Close the door!
We’re all gonna die!” And then, the friend turns,
and they’re bleeding, and they’re like,
“We’re already dead.” And he’s like, “No.
You’re already dead. I’m out.” So, if the Trump administration
said that manmade climate change
is happening, then surely, the Trump of the administration
will finally come on board. But this is what
the president said when asked what he thinks
of the report. I’ve seen it, uh, I’ve read
some of it, and it’s fine. Yeah. I don’t believe it. -MAN: You don’t believe it?
-No. No, I don’t believe it. You don’t believe it? You don’t…? How? “Fine”? How? How can one man possess
all the stupidity of mankind? (laughter) It’s like they edited his genes to give him
superhuman stupidity. Like, the scientists
in the lab were like, “Well, should we give him
superhuman strength?” They’re like, “Oh,
that’s dangerous to society. “No, no, no, no, no.
Let’s make him really stupid. What’s the worst
that could happen?” The president of the United
States is throwing away four years of scientific work which is endorsed
by his own administration. The question is,
what possible reason would thousands
of scientists have to lie about climate change? Well, former senator
Rick Santorum has a theory which he shared
on CNN this weekend. If there was no climate change, we’d have a lot of scientists
looking for work. Uh, the reality is that… that a lot of these scientists
are driven by the money
that they receive. And of course, they don’t
receive money from corporations and Exxon and the like. Why? Because they’re not allowed to,
because it’s tainted. But they can receive it
from people who have… who support their agenda. Of course. How did we miss it? Climate change is just a scam! It’s a scam by scientists
trying to get rich. We should have known
when we saw them balling in those Gucci lab coats with
the diamond-encrusted beakers. Making it rain test tubes
in the club. Ow-ow-ow, ow-ow-ow, ow-ow. Oh, and it wasn’t just
Rick Santorum. After this report came out,
right, American news was littered
with climate change buffoons. And one of my favorites was
this woman NBC brought on to drop this gem. We need to also recognize that we just had two
of the coldest years, the biggest drop
in global temperatures that we’ve had since the 1980s, the biggest
in the last hundred years. From the standpoint of those
who have doubts about this… And I-I don’t think
we can have any doubts that there is climate change. Whether it’s anthropogenic,
I don’t know. I’m not a scientist. I-I look
at this as a citizen. Uh, okay, once you say
“I’m not a scientist,” why is anyone listening
to your scientific opinion? “I look at this as a citizen.” Well, get the (bleep)
out of here with your opinions as a citizen. Like, where else
would we accept this shit? You tell me now.
Where else would we accept this? If someone told me, “Hey,
Trevor, these test results say “that you have cancer,
but I’m not a doctor. I think you’re fine,”
trust me, I would not be like, “Oh, you’re not a doctor?
No, no. Carry on, Carry on. Yeah, tell me your thoughts
on my health.” And here’s the thing.
I can play clips from the news like this forever.
But why? Why can I play clips
like this forever? Why does the news keep bringing
on non-scientists to argue against science? I mean, CNN pays Rick Santorum
to come on and talk that shit. This woman’s group has gotten
funding from oil companies. So why is the news having
these climate-deniers on? Like, why would you do that? Because think of it.
Think of it this way. When Maury Povich
brings someone on, if the DNA test says you are
the father, then that’s it. The science has spoken. He doesn’t go, “All right,
we’ve done the DNA test, but in your opinion, Lavar,
why are you not the father?” Because he knows
dudes would be like, “Well, first of all,
’cause it’s expensive, “and second of all,
look at that baby’s hair! That’s ain’t my shit.” So all I’m saying is,
American news, maybe you should respect science
as much as Maury Povich does.